Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Stressed or Depressed?? {Home Life}

So I'm not sure what it is with me lately, but I sort of feel as though I've been on an emotional roller coaster. 
I'm fine one day, kind of angry another day, and full on sad the next. 
It's been crazy, and I'm not sure what to do about it. 
I could say I'm stressed, because with me not working and the honey's job only BARELY covering the bills, I have SOOO much to worry about. 
There are days when I'm not sure if we will even have anything to eat for dinner. 
[It's a good thing my brother is in school and he receives free breakfast and lunch, because that way I can make sure he is being fed throughout the day. As for me and Tim, well, food is nearly OPTIONAL in our case. I don't even worry about eating during the day and just enjoy whatever there is for dinner. Tim usually eats something at work, due to potlucks, his friends taking him to lunch, or whatever else. It's been pretty rough.]
I've been filling out applications for jobs, but it seems as though NO ONE will hire me. 
I just don't know what else to do, except keep my head up and wade through the muck as best as I can.

Anyway...I need to get out of this emotional rut.
I used to be this SUPER happy, always fun to be around, kind of person.
Now...well, now I don't feel like I'm ANYTHING like that person anymore.
I snap at people for no reason.
I get aggravated and annoyed VERY easily.
I don't communicate with others as much as I would like to.
I just don't like the person I'm becoming.
The saddest part is, I'm VERY good at hiding my emotions from other people.
My friends NEVER know how horrible I feel.
And if they ask, I just say I'm not feeling well that day. Or that everything is fine.
I just don't want them to be burdened with MY emotional roller coaster. 
They have their own lives to deal with.
I know that's what friends are supposed to be for, but I feel like I always ask too much of them.
So I don't ask them to listen to my problems. Anyway, it's not like they can solve them for me!

I just wish I could be normal again. I want to smile and have a good time again.
WITHOUT worrying about if my bills will be paid. Or where our next meal is coming from.
I want to enjoy the precious moments life has to offer and know that I didn't waste ANY of them.
I just want my life back. I want to be ME again.....

1 comment:

  1. It's completely normal for us to feel alone and depressed when we are hardshiped. Its because we are human. No one knows better than I the tales of being in bondage to poverty at times. But we have a god that sees and knows all. We are never alone even when it feels like we are. These times of sorrow are only here to create a stronger us. Be encouraged there is a light at the end of the tunnel.


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